Attraction Is Not A Choice
You have a type. Maybe you’re attracted to short girls with thick thighs. Tall girls who tell lies. Or white chicks who talk fast. Maybe you only date Latina women with more curves than geometry class. Your history of relationships looks like a DNA lineup of sexy suspects. That’s how attraction works.
And I’m not here to judge. You have a choice to be intimate with whomever and whatever flavor you want. Life is meant to be enjoyed. And you should spend your days enjoying it.
So Arianna in accounting has caught your eye. There’s just something about her that makes you melt when you see her. Feels like she steals a little piece of your soul whenever she looks at you. Even for just a moment. And you’re wondering how to make her fall in love with you.
Now you’re reading this blog post looking for the answer.
If you try to find a logical reason why that girl you like does or doesn’t like you back, and she only dates Eastern European guys with tattoos and facial scars and thick accents, but you’re a mild mannered software engineer from Seattle, who dabbles in classical violin. I think you know the answer.
She likes what she likes. Attraction is not a choice.
And that look that steals your soul? Maybe her contacts are cloudy and she’s taking a break from slaving over that spreadsheet. And you walk by just at the right (or wrong) time.
No amount of convincing her that you’re a great guy is going to change what she likes. Just like no amount of Patty in HR trying to convince you to like her and her fashion choices and constant swearing and penchant for wearing men’s deoderant is going to set your soul on fire. It’s not a choice.
How to attract someone
Just be yourself. Authentically you. Be you.
Every single day.
The right people are are going to be drawn to your energy. Your vibe. Your look. That’s how attraction works. The problem is people have watched too many movies and tv shows that have them convinced that one day that person you’ve been secretly in love with for the past 7 years is gonna wake up and realize you’re the one for them.
That kind of thing just doesn’t happen in the real world.
It might happen one day. But while you’re holding out for that other person to be single or realize they’ve been in love with you this whole time, you’re missing out on making memories with other people who find you attractive and want to get to know you.
Don’t let those people slip by. And don’t miss out on those memories.
Be authentic
If you love working on cars or bikes, dressing up for comic book conventions, playing video games with your friends, training MMA, or listening to obscure folk music, do that. Don’t try to change who you are becasue you think it will be what she wants you to be. That kind of thinking is a recipe for misery.
Don’t start dressing or acting a certain way to attract that woman you like. Everyone can’t tell when you’re trying too hard and when you’re just being yourself. So just go out there and enjoy your life. And embrace all those things that bring you happiness.
Be authentically you.
When you try too hard to be something you’re not, everyone can see it. I promise you.
Let them choose you
Show your interest and back away. If you approach her in person, mention something specific about them, then ask, “When are you free to get together?” Assume they want to spend time getting to know you. Don’t ask, “will you go out with me?”
If they are interested, they’ll respond positively. Make a date and see them there. If they’re not, this isn’t a political debate. You can’t convince them to see your point of view. Just let them go.
And I would advise not texting too much. Women love mystery. And the more they think about you, the more their interest level rises. If you’re spending your time screenshoting and texting memes so she’ll think you’re funny before the date, you’re trying too hard.
Don’t try to force it. Just let them choose you.
I’ve written more blog posts on dating, relationships, and getting over a breakup that can help you in your journey. For more insight and advice like this, check out my content on Instagram and YouTube.
And if you liked this post, you’ll love my book.