Dating (The Ultimate Guide)

I’ve been on nearly 200 first dates. Had several long term relationships. And I’ve lived with a couple of those women. I’ve done all the things. Made the mistakes. Learned from my successes and failures. And now I’m here to share those lessons with you. In this dating guide I’ll give you some of my best tips on…

Making the approach
Online dating
The first date
Don’t try to control her
She wants what you have to give

I wrote this guide to help you improve the quality of your dates and the quality of the women you date. And after a few dates (with a few different women), you’ll be able to move into a healthy, mutually beneficial relationship with the right woman.

Making the approach

You see her out somewhere. The dog park. At the grocery store. Wherever it may be. There’s just something about her. After all, attraction is not a choice. You’re not choosing to like her. You just do. For whatever reason. So how do you get that woman to go on a date with you?

You ask her.

I get it. You don’t want to get rejected. So part of you would rather just go home and be mad at yourself that you didn’t say something to her. I know the feeling. I missed out on a few memories that way early on in my life.

But if that’s happened to you before, those days are over. And this is how.

You just go up to her. Mention something specific about her. And be authentic. Even if she’s not interested, she will respect you.

“I saw you across the room/street/store/frozen foods section and I just had to come over and talk to you. You are just…stunning. I’m (your name here)”

Then just wait for her response. She might say, “Thank you” or “Really? You think so? I’m Arianna.”

When she tells you her name, that’s a good indicator she’s into you. If she shuts you down with “I have a boyfriend” or “I’m married”, your response should be, “lucky guy”. Then tell her to have a great day and go on about your life.

If she’s into you, say, “I’d like to get to know you, Arianna. When are you free to get together?”

The let her respond. If she’s interested, she’ll let you know. If she’s not, that’s okay too. Because at the very least you just practiced. On a real woman. And you survived.

If she’s interested, exchange numbers and either make a date then or text (or call) her the next day and set up the date.

Online dating (be different than the rest)

Your goal in online dating is to stand out from the crowd. Depending on your city, there could be thousands of other men who are vying for the attention of the exact same woman you find attractive and get to know.

So how do you stand out?

It starts with your profile. Use recent images. If you’re not in love with the way you look, get a haircut. Trim you beard. Maybe do a quick refresh on your wardrobe. And I don’t mean go buy a bunch of suits or expensive watches or whatever. Maybe buy a couple of casual shirts you can wear out with the new girl. Maybe a couple of pairs of pants.

I had a selection of first date shirts. Maybe three or four short sleeve button ups. But whatever your style, set aside a couple options that you feel you look your best in. Wear those. Confidence is one of the sexiest traits a woman sees in a man.

Now you’re gonna need some photos. Get your friend to come over and take some smartphone pics of you around the house. Maybe at the dog park. Working on your car. At the MMA gym. Whatever it is that you’re into, let that show in your photos.

After all, you’re not going to change who you are just get a woman to like you. Let your personality show through in your images. Your profile and your photos are going to set you apart from all the other guys on that site or app who are vying for her attention.

And don’t be that guy whose only photo is of you wearing a hat and sunglasses paddling a canoe across a lake and it looks like the picture was taken with the Hubble telescope. Maybe 4 or 5 photos of you being confident. Smiling. Laughing. Being the guy she wants to get to know.

A woman wants to date a man she’s going to have fun and enjoy a few hours (or a few years) of her time with. So make her want to choose you.

Your first message

Looking through dating profiles one night, saw this woman who caught my eye. And my opening message was, “I can’t imagine how many unread messages you must have in your inbox.”

Her response, “I have 346 unread messages.”

Think about that for a moment. Think about how you can stand out with your first message. How you’re going to be different than all the rest.

Maybe two sentences at the most that will make you stand out, get her interested in looking at your profile, and sending a response to what you wrote. And don’t copy and paste the same thing to 25 different women. Please don’t be that guy.

Before sending that message, you need to read her entire profile and look through all her photos. If she’s eating a slice of pizza with pineapple on it, you could send her something like…

“I don’t know why so many people don’t like pineapple on their pizza. I actually enjoy it. When can I buy you a slice at your favorite place?”

Now most women won’t reply with a date, time, and address. It doesn’t really work that way. But what you did was…

notice something specific about her
show you have something in common
showed your interest
invited her on a date

Most men won’t be this forward. They’ll send dozens of messages that go nowhere. A woman on a dating site does not want a pen pal. I promise you. She wants to meet someone that she feels safe and comfortable with to develop an emotion bond and/or have physical intimacy.

She messages her friends all day. She doesn’t want to spend all day messaging you. She doesn’t care about your collection of dank memes. She just wants you to act like a man, make a move, and invite her on a date where she’ll have fun and maybe feel a little twinge for you in a certain area of her body.

So after a few messages, I usually write something like, “I’m much more interesting on the phone. When can I call you?” She’ll likely respond with, “My number is…”

Ask when the best time is to call her, and then call her at that time. If it’s right now, call her right now. If it’s after 9pm on Tuesday, call her after 9pm on Tuesday. Have a brief conversation with her. About 5 minutes or so. Maybe bring up a few more things from her profile or talk about the “world famous” pizza place where you’re going to meet her.

Do not spend 3-4 hours on the phone. I’ve made this mistake. Invested hours of my time and it led nowhere. The reason you’re calling her is to see if there’s enough of a connection to want to go on a date with her. You can get a much better sense of her personality on the phone. And she can do the same for you.

Does she curse every 3rd or 4th word?

Does she have a thick accent that you just can’t deal with?

Is she complaining about her exes, and wonders why she only seems to date losers?

Or does she sound even better on the phone than she did in your messages? If the answer is yes (to the last one), then make the date. Set a definite time and place and tell her you’ll meet her there. Let her know if you’re running late, you’ll text her.

Now even if the date is 3 days away, do not contact her again until you meet her you on the date. When she’s thinking about you, the anticipation of it will increase her interest level in you. Keep your dank memes in your pocket. And keep letting her think about you between dates. You give her some time to think about the last time she was with you and that twinge will grow. A woman needs space and time away from you to think about you, allowing her attraction to grow.

The perfect first date

You’re wearing one of your new shirts. You meet her at the pizza place. And don’t worry. The chances are she’s just as nervous as you are. So just ask her meaningful, thoughtful questions about her life, what she enjoys, and what she wants to achieve.

You need to care about who she is and how your life could fit in with hers. You should be relaxed and confident. Because you know what you want out of life and you know exactly how you’re going there. If you’ve read my book, you’re already on your way.

For a first date, I would suggest meeting somewhere with several “after date” options. So that pizza place might be in a shopping area or near other restaurants. Maybe near the riverfront. Or by the beach. If the first part of the date goes well, keep it going.

Say something like, “I had a great time with you, and I don’t want this night to end. You want to take a walk with me?”

If she’s into you, she will go with you.

At this point you can walk around and look at other shops, maybe go to a bar and have a drink. Maybe even get yelled at by a seal at the aquatic petting zoo. Whatever it is, try to make this date have at least two locations. This will give her the emotional experience of being on more than one date with you. And the more she bonds with you emotionally, the safer and more comfortable she’ll become.

Doing this strengthens her attraction for you.

So now it’s the end of the date. I always go for the kiss. I want to know right now if she’s into me. There are some women who will agree to go an a date with you just to get out of the house for the night.

Not every woman will do this. But I know of some women who have done this. If I go for the kiss and she kisses me back , I know she just didn’t want a free plate of cheese fries while pretending to laugh at my jokes all night. A kiss means there’s some sexual attraction there.

There was a time when I didn’t go for the kiss. I thought the best “strategy” was to hug a woman on the first date and “leave her wanting more”. And after I did that a few times, and had a few follow up dates with (some of) those women, they all said the same thing…

“When you didn’t try to kiss me, I thought you didn’t like me.”

You can hug her if you want, but you might as well wear a t-shirt that reads “mayor of the friend-zone”.

Be a man and go after what you want. If she turns her head or doesn’t kiss you back, it’s ok. I’ve been on nearly 200 first dates. And there were a few that went nowhere. But I needed that practice with those women to become the man I am today. I needed those dead ends to become better with women, learn those lessons, and begin to understand how they think and what they emotionally respond to and why.

Don't try to control her

You’ve been on several dates. You’ve slept together. And if you’ve read my book, you know how to properly seduce her. Some women will want a commitment or assume there is one before sleeping with you. Other women just want to casually date and have fun. Either way, you can’t control her.

If you try to control her, it’s not going to work. Regardless of how you feel, you have to let her choose to be with you every single day. And the way you accomplish this is being the best version of yourself.

You can’t keep her from talking to her friends
You can’t keep her from setting those yoga pants on fire
And you can’t keep other guys from checking her out

If you think she’s hot, there’s a strong chance that other guys think she’s hot too. She has to choose to be with you every single day. Just like you have to choose her. Acting insecure is going to make her lose respect for you and eventually convince her that you’re not good enough for her.

So act like you’re the catch. That you deserve to be with her and she deserves to be with you. Don’t put her on a pedestal. And don’t let her walk all over you. She may try to test you, but if you’ve read my book, you know how to pass all of her tests. You have to respect yourself before anyone else will. Be the man she needs you to be.

She wants what you have to give

Every woman has been waiting for a man that knows what he’s doing. Knows how to talk to her. Appreciates her. Makes her feel special. And goes after what he wants.

Now you’re one of those guys. Look back on your life with memories. Not regrets.

I’ve written more blog posts on attraction, relationships, and getting over a breakup that can help you in your journey. For more insight and advice like this, check out my content on Instagram and YouTube.

And if you liked this post, you’ll love my book.