Healthy Relationships
We all aspire to have healthy relationships. At least we should, right? But what separates those who do have them from those who don’t? And why does it seem like some people go from one toxic relationship to another, although they keep proclaiming that they can’t “meet a good man” or “meet a good woman”?
They’ll say something like “all men are dogs” or “all women are crazy.” But that’s simply not true. I mean, some are. But not all of them.
How we act and who we are is a result of genetics and programming. Our parents donated half of their DNA to make us. And the people, places, and events of our life have shaped our world view. If you grew up in a supportive environment with friends and family who showed you love and appreciation and taught you good from bad, then you already know what it takes to have those positive interactions with others and how to establish and particpate in healthy relationships.
If you grew up in an environment where you didn’t feel love. Where your friends or family were not supportive, and didn’t show or teach you how to have a healthy reationship, then this post will help you.
I want you to be happy, and live a life of purpose and enjoyment. Have healthy relationships. With your friends. With your family. With your romantic partners. And with your coworkers. I want you to do work that you’re passionate about and contribute to the world in meaningful way. Making the world a better place for everyone in it. And healthy realtionships are a big part of that equation.
My book was written for the intent of you living your best life. In every way. And healthy relationships are a big part of that journey.
Becoming the best version of yourself
You have to take a long hard look in the mirror. Be honest with yourself. What role have you played in your unhappiness? How have your actions affected others in a negative way? Has your insecurity or jealousy or controlling behavior cost you friendships? Alienated your romantic partners? Made it difficult for others to participate with you in a healthy way?
How we act and treat others is often a reflection of what we feel about ourselves. If you’re a confident, happy person, you’re less likely to give off negative energy or say “less than positive” things about other people, their ideas, and their life choices.
Someone who is filled with unhappiness or anger or frustration is more likely to lash out. Tell someone their food truck idea or new car or new job or new boyfriend was a bad choice or investment. They are unhappy with themsleves and want everyone else to feel their pain. Their resentment. Their regret.
But it doesn’t have to be this way.
No matter how you feel about yourself, remember this. You deserve to be happy. If that environment your in isn’t making you happy, then make a change. Maybe not today or next week. But you should start working on your exit plan very soon.
If your life isn’t filled with your favorite things that genuinely make you happy, then start making the changes it will take to incorporate your favorite things into your life. It can be hard, but I promise you it’s worth it.
If you don’t feel good enough because other people treated you a certain way, relaize that they were simply projecting their misery onto you. Thier opinion is not the truth. How you view yourself is what truly matters. And each day you should be working towards becoming the best version of yourself.
Choosing the right one
When you choose the right one, you’re choosing to make the right memories. Where you work. Your friends. Who you choose to date.
Life is about experiences. Learning from the difficult ones and appreciating the enjoyable ones.
When you have a healthy and happy self-image, you are putting yourself in the best possible position to attract the right kind of people in your life. You want to share time and experiences with people who will support and uplift you. Celebrate your accomplishments. Be there for you when you need advice.
Way too many people settle for having “something”. To them, “something” is better than “nothing.” Please don’t be one of those people. You will never reach fulfillment or happiness by settling for less than you deserve. This is true in life and relationships.
If that other person isn’t what you want them to be. If they don’t set your soul on fire. If they continue to frustrate you or break your heart or cause you pain, that’s who they are. And it’s not your job to change them. They can only change themselves.
Being in a relationship with someone like this is tragic. It breaks your heart. Over and over and over again. And the reality is, no matter how much you love them or how much they apologize or how long you’ve been togther, a relationship with them will never be what you want it to be.
You deserve better. You deserve to be happy. And when you choose the right partner to share your time and experiences, you’re choosing to make the right memories.
Be the kind of person you want to attract into your life. And when you find them, appreciate every moment and every memory.
Healthy boundaries
Toxic people are everywhere. Just look around you. That guy in the lifted truck with the loud exhaust who just cut off three lanes of traffic on the highway, on his way home to punch a hole in the drywall after losing to a teenager in an online game.
That girl with the plastic in her lips and the bright blue fingernails and the artificially enhanced figure who is going to the club tonight to throw a drink in her ex-boyfriend’s face because “how dare he try to move on with his whole life after the breakup”.
That manager who gives you the dirty look because you were 5 minutes late to work, then openly discusses whether or not you should get your review with a coworker who is sitting 10 feet away from you. Because it doesn’t matter if you stay an hour later every day, work through your lunch, and work from home and come in on the weekends. The only thing that matters to him is you got there at 8:05 instead of 7:59.
When you set healthy boundaries and choose to be happy, your whole life will improve. You have to stand up for yourself. You have to respect yourself before you can expect anyone else to respect you. People who respect you will respect your boundaries.
Setting boundaries can include…
“Please don’t talk about my private business with other people” or “I don’t like it when you text your ex to try to make me jealous” or “don’t make me put a line on the orange juice container with my initials.”
Set your boundaries with a statement of purpose, and if they are broken, then it’s time to move on. It can be hard, but I promise you it will be worth it. No matter how long it takes. You should never sacrifice your happiness and self-worth to be in any relationship that no longer serves you.
Physical intimacy
Intimacy is more than just having sex. It’s being close. Making each other feel loved and appreciated by connecting in a physical way with your bodies. (And I’m not just talking about putting this thing inside of that thing.) Physical closeness is an integral part for a healthy romantic relationship.
In my book, I go into detail about how to properly seduce a woman. How to read the signs that she’s attracted to you and she’s ready to be kissed, and ultimately seduced. And more importantly, how to do it to provide the most pleasure for her and for you. A feminine woman wants to be with a masculine man who knows exactly what he’s doing in the bedroom.
But a supportive hug can be just as important in building intimacy. The closeness of being intertwined when you fall asleep together on a rainy afternoon, or cold night. Holding hands when walking down the sidewalk or side street. A shoulder to lean on.
Stroking hair or gently caressing skin or looking deeply into one another’s eyes can be just as important to maintaining physical intimacy as a midnight marathon session in the bedroom. And the key to all of this, is the other person has to know that you actually care about them. That their body is more than just an amusment park for your dopamine release.
Respect and appreciation are the cornerstones of enstablishing healthy relationships. And the more you respect and appreciate one another, the more time you can spend on that oxytocin rollercoaster, enjoying the mutually satisfying ride together.
Moments become memories
When you make the decision to have a healthy relationship, understanding what it takes from you and what it takes from them, you can begin to make the right memories. No more toxicity. No more jealousy. No more anger or frustration or feeling like you wasted years of your life trying to make something work that never would.
You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be loved. And you deserve to be with someone who respects and appreciates you.
I’ve written more blog posts on attraction, dating, and getting over a breakup that can help you in your journey. For more insight and advice like this, check out my content on Instagram and YouTube.
And if you liked this post, you’ll love my book.