Getting Over A Breakup
It’s gonna hurt. They all do. I’ve been down that road several times. And to successfully get over the breakup of a relationship (and a broken heart), there are several key steps you need to take.
- Feel the hurt
- Look at your role in why it ended
- Reconnect to your life before the relationship
- Be thankful for the time you spent with her
- Don’t contact her (even if you want her back)
- Realize that life is a journey (things happen for you, not to you)
Getting your heart broken and finding love again is something every human has to deal with at some point in life. It’s one of those learning experiences that is so vital to emotional maturity and the path to increased emotional intelligence.
And it’s not a fun experience. I know. I have scars on my heart too. This is how I got through it. And the principals I’ve learned are how going to help you get through it too.
Stay off social media
Unfriend, unfollow, or “hide” her. Pretend it’s 1985 and she moved three states away and you’ll never see her again.
Feel the hurt to heal the hurt
Cry if you need to. Just not around your friends. In your car or bedroom or garage or whatever. Just allow yourself to feel that pain and let it out. Don’t keep it inside. Pain is weakness leaving the body. Let it out and let it go.
Take ownership
Look at your role in why the relationship ended. What lessons can you learn from this experience? What did you do right and what did you do wrong? Why did you breakup? The key to getting better with women and having healthy relationships is taking ownership of your failures and applying those lessons to your future successes.
It’s easy to just blame the other person. Way too many people do this. But you’re different. Act like it. Own your successes and your failures.
Reconnect with your life before the relationship
When you choose the right one, you’re choosing to make the right memories. Where you work. Your friends. Who you choose to date.
Life is about experiences. Learning from the difficult ones and appreciating the enjoyable ones.
When you have a healthy and happy self-image, you are putting yourself in the best possible position to attract the right kind of people in your life. You want to share time and experiences with people who will support and uplift you. Celebrate your accomplishments. Be there for you when you need advice.
Way too many people settle for having “something”. To them, “something” is better than “nothing.” Please don’t be one of those people. You will never reach fulfillment or happiness by settling for less than you deserve. This is true in life and relationships.
If that other person isn’t what you want them to be. If they don’t set your soul on fire. If they continue to frustrate you or break your heart or cause you pain, that’s who they are. And it’s not your job to change them. They can only change themselves.
Being in a relationship with someone like this is tragic. It breaks your heart. Over and over and over again. And the reality is, no matter how much you love them or how much they apologize or how long you’ve been togther, a relationship with them will never be what you want it to be.
You deserve better. You deserve to be happy. And when you choose the right partner to share your time and experiences, you’re choosing to make the right memories.
Be the kind of person you want to attract into your life. And when you find that other person, appreciate every moment and every memory.
Be thankful
Be thankful that she came into your life and you were able to share some memories with her. Just from those experiences with her, you’ve grown as a person (even if you don’t realize it yet). I know it can hurt. And you might desperately want her back. But you need to resist that urge to call her or text her.
The more time she has away from you, the more time she has to think about you. She might be out with her friends or picking up new hobbies or doing a little “retail therapy”. But when she’s not doing those things, she just might be thinking about you.
Don't contact her
Do not initiate contact with her. Ever again. Remember, it’s 1985.
If she reaches out, and you want to get back together, quickly make a date to see her. Don’t talk about your feelings or any of that shit. Be the charming guy she fell in love with. If you get a second shot, remind yourself of what you learned from the breakup and apply it to the next chapter with her.
Do not volunteer yourself to be in the friend-zone. Under any circumstances. Some women will try to do this. If you still love her, you don’t want that torture. Tell her “friends only doesn’t work for you” and “you only want something romantic” and tell her to call you if she changes her mind. Whatever the result, I promise she will respect you for standing up for yourself.
Life is a journey
Life is a journey. This isn’t 1950 and the chances you’ll stay with a woman for 30, 40, or 50 years are basically zero. So view each relationship and each breakup as a learning experience.
Keep leveling up your life, and the quality of the women you date and the quality of those relationships will improve. I promise you.
I’ve written more blog posts on attraction, dating, and relationships that can help you in your journey. For more insight and advice like this, check out my content on Instagram and YouTube.
And if you liked this post, you’ll love my book.